Sh*t That Actually Works

VM - Virtual Mike

Written by Mike Pelland | Mar 31, 2026 9:14:30 PM

Meet Virtual Mike

For years, everything I built signed itself the same way.

Not “system notification.”
Not “automated message.”

Virtual Mike.

If something fired at 2am — that was Virtual Mike.
If a lead got routed before anyone touched it — Virtual Mike.
If revenue moved and nobody knew why — yeah… Virtual Mike.

I did it so people knew the difference between me and the machine.

Truth is — that line got blurry a long time ago.

Some of those systems are still running right now.
Companies I haven’t touched in years.
Still producing. Still routing. Still making decisions.

Still… Virtual Mike.

So I took it all the way.

VM — Virtual Mike — is how I look at a business. Now it runs without me.

Drop a domain.

No form. No email. No “book a call.”

In about 60 seconds it runs your company through the same lenses I use:

  • where your revenue actually comes from
  • where it’s leaking
  • what’s working (that you probably don’t realize)
  • what’s broken (that you definitely don’t see yet)

You get:

  • a score
  • your primary constraint
  • the first three moves I’d make if I owned it

This isn’t a chatbot.
It’s not “AI insights.”
And it’s definitely not scraped nonsense dressed up as strategy.

It’s 20 years of pattern recognition — systemized.

The judgment is mine.
The speed is the machine.

Here’s the part nobody does:

Your score sets your price.

You hit the pricing page after your run — the offer is already there.

  • Average business → discounted
  • Messy business → bigger discount
  • Dialed business → full price (you don’t need much)

No discovery theater.
No “let’s see if it’s a fit.”

Just:

this is where you are
this is what it costs to fix it

This is the first of a few posts.

I’ll break down:

  • what VM is actually looking at
  • where it’s right
  • where it surprises people
  • and how operators actually use it

But don’t read those first.

Run your domain.

Then come back — it’ll hit different.

michaelpelland.com/vm